Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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