i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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