I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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