I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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