i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
