Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
