Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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