speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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