One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream