Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
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Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
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ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home