His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it