I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
