Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
