corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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