mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
