My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I am mentally ready for anal.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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