when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Less talking, more tequila
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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