did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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