Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
