Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
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