I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
