i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
