and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
operation harelip BJ is a go
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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