I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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