where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
