In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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