I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
