I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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