Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
