the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It's Friday. Sex?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
