I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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