guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Me too!
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
