I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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