Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
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