Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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