and my herpes radar will keep us safe
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
