I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
