bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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