Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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