We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
MIDGETS
????
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
and you fell through a lawn chair
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
