The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
No subtext here. People are naked.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
