why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
