I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
