It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
