Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
