I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
