May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
