you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
