Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
