Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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