So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
