Your mouth is God's brothel.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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