K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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