everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
