also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You are a genius and a whore.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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