Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water