I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...