Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
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Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
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We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
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After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.