***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
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The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
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My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.