you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
