I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos