You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
