She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
