Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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