Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
