I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
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I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
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She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.