Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess