S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.