nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
