Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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