Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
