i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
