Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
