Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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