Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
