my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
