My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
as a side note pls kill me
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
