I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
