I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Oh god it's open bar.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
