Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
