last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my sisters under your porch take her home
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
