Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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