You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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