what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
