You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
