Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
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We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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