I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
