Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
