I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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