Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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