The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
