i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
