I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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