How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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