i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
