it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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