You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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