Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
