why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
