Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
