her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
