that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
